Our relationship is not the property of one person. Your spouse, your parents and your kids and maybe your grandkids can be a part of it. Every single action of us is going to impact them one way or another.
Rules and regulations help us live a good happy life. They help us fight against odds in a systematic way.
But it is also necessary to improvise over time.
Rules that I have set for my relationship.
We will talk every day. If I made a mistake, she would write about it and if she made a mistake I would write about it.
At the end of the month, we will see who has more complaints.
Now, we will read our complaints one by one and when we are reading then the other person will not justify nor can give an excuse. He/she will just listen.
This reading is to let other people know that there might be a place where you can improve. But not forcefully at all.
Now, it is on the other person that he/she wants to improve or not. Because everyone has their own choices and we need to appreciate that. It also supports the fact that love gives you freedom.
Here is the most important thing….
- If I have an Anger issue. then it is not because of you. You might say something but still, I can’t blame you for that.
- If you have an emotional issue then that is not because of me. I might do something but still, you can’t blame me for that.
Point is… if I am feeling bad or disappointed, the only person responsible for that is me.
We are not going to blame each other nor we would say ” you could have done better” or ” you should do like this”
Because of our individual fault, ego, emotions… we can’t put our relationship in danger.
This relationship is our baby.
No matter how big our reasons we can’t give up on this.
- If you say something and I got angry then I have to figure out how would I tackle that!
- If I hung up the call and you feel bad about it, you have to deal with that!
- If I asked a question to you and you did not answer, I will figure how I will deal with that!
- If you are saying something and I interrupted, then you have to figure out how you deal with that!
If you are feeling bad then I am not responsible, If I am feeling bad then you are not responsible.
Let’s take responsibility for our own emotions and cheers to the relation.
The best part of our relationship is we both listen…
The worst fact is… we never change.
We have to live with our limitations… if You find me doing the same mistake, again and again, you have to take that for granted that I will keep repeating the same mistake.
If you do some mistake again and again then I would accept that I have to deal with it for the rest of my life but….
I will not tell you about this.
Because.. even if I will tell you … you will do it again.. same goes for me. (*fact tried and tested)
The simple meaning of this letter is… I can’t tell you to be better… but you can choose to be better… Because we believe in freedom.
Ask these three Question
Whenever you are saying something in your relationship then always ask these three questions. These three questions will filter in only good things.
We both can’t disagree on the fact that how we talk in a relationship determine how our relationship is!
- Is this making my relationship better?
- Is this any kind of support , I am giving to the other person?
- Is this just for entertainment purpose?
Pass your thoughts through these sentences and you will filter in only sentences that are better for the relationship.
- It will also filter out Anger, disappointment, complaints, blames, condemnation etc. etc. Because they don’t make our relationship better.
- Long unnecessary talks, being pamper all day long, Because they ruin your time and energy in long term.
- Here you can speak anything. literally anything. You can blame for fun , you can talk long for fun. You know, sometimes they do work but you have to have a scrict boundry. However, I would suggest that talk about positive things. Do real fun. Smile for no reasons. laugh on silly jokes.