What is stuck?
We feel stuck when we experience stagnation—when nothing exciting seems to happen in our lives.
People go to great lengths, sometimes even harming themselves, just to break free from this monotony.
A fascinating study by researchers at the University of Virginia and Harvard University, published in Science (2014), explored this discomfort. Participants were asked to sit alone in a featureless room for 6 to 15 minutes, with no distractions—just their thoughts. They were also given an option: press a button to give themselves an electric shock.
Surprisingly, a significant number of people chose to shock themselves rather than sit in silence. In particular, two-thirds of men and one-quarter of women pressed the button, despite previously stating that they would pay to avoid such a shock.
This experiment reveals a deep truth—monotony drains people. Stagnation kills the human spirit. It disrespects human potential.
For an animal, life is bound by two simple needs: eat and sleep. But humans are meant for much more—we must not get trapped in the same cycle
Why do we feel stuck?
Feeling stuck essentially comes from two fundamental aspects of our life:
- Likes
- Dislikes
From our likes and dislikes, three root emotions develop, which bind us in every possible way:
- When we like something, we want more of it. Hence, GREED.
- When we don’t like something, we keep avoiding it, and eventually, we develop FEAR.
- When we like doing something and eventually hate that we did it, it brings GUILT.
These three emotions shackle us, preventing us from going out and living fully.
What is it that you feel stuck with?
Just take a moment to reflect on your life and think about what keeps you in one place. You’ll likely find that, at the root of it, one of these emotions is involved.
There is also another aspect: things you dislike doing, but when you do them, you experience a sense of liberation.
These emotions tie you to something; they create knots.
1. Greed
- You like sweets, and now you can’t stop eating them.
- You like money, and you can’t stop chasing it.
- You like someone, and you can’t stop thinking about them. This is bondage.
2. Fear
- You dislike your job, and you dread going in every day.
- You hate a colleague, and it’s hard to even talk to them.
- You don’t like speaking in public, and you feel fearful when the situation arises. These are negative forces, and although you may want to escape them, you can’t. This too is bondage.
3. Guilt
- You enjoy the puff of a cigarette, but you regret it afterward.
- You enjoy masturbation, but afterward, you feel guilty.
- You took something from someone because you needed it, and now you feel bad about it.
- You weren’t happy in your relationship, and someone else came into your life who gave you what you wanted, but now you feel guilty for cheating.
- You want to lose weight, but you cheat on your diet and feel guilty.
- You want to focus on your studies or business, but you end up scrolling social media, feeling guilty about it.
- You didn’t want to get angry with your spouse, kids, or a colleague, but afterward, you feel guilty.
The third one can go on endlessly…
What can we do?
You don’t need to start hating what you like or liking what you hate—yet, most people attempt exactly that.
A friend once told me she planned to read 10 pages every day because she hates reading. But forcing yourself in this way often leads to burnout.
However, as we’ve discussed before, there is a fourth emotion—when you engage in something you once disliked, and over time, you begin to enjoy it. In that moment, it doesn’t feel like a struggle—it feels liberating. This is not about making the task fun—it will always be challenging. But what makes it worthwhile is the impact it creates in others’ lives. That’s what will make you feel truly wonderful.
Yet, a natural question may arise: “What about me? Why should I always focus on others?”
The moment you ask this, you find yourself back at square one—trapped in the same cycle of self-centred thinking. True freedom comes when you step beyond yourself.
1. Keeping Me aside.
Life is a vast phenomenon—far greater than “me.” If you place yourself at the center of the cosmos, you will live in constant illusion and endless stress.
Realizing that you are not even a speck of dust in this universe can free you from the unnecessary burden of your expectations.
And if, tomorrow, you are no longer on this planet, nothing will truly change. The world will continue as it always has.
2. Be a Volunteer
If you truly understand that your existence is just a small part of this vast phenomenon, then living with that awareness becomes essential. If you contribute nothing to the world, nothing changes. But even a small contribution can create a huge impact in the lives of others.
Now, the choice is yours—do you want to make a positive difference or a negative one?
If you choose to create a positive impact, you must cultivate love within yourself. With anger, jealousy, or hatred, it is impossible to bring true goodness into others’ lives.
Look within—observe how you feel inside. If emotions like resentment, injustice, or frustration dominate your mind, love cannot flow naturally. To share love, you must first be stable and loving within yourself. Otherwise, any kindness will be temporary, an act that eventually leads to exhaustion—just like my friend was forcing herself to read a book simply because it’s a “good habit.”
But love is not a habit. It can flow naturally when there is acceptance—accepting life as it is, accepting people as they are. You can hold high expectations, but people will disappoint you. Now and then, you may help people reflect on themselves—not for your sake, but for their growth, so they can become better human beings.
But for you, the only thing that matters is falling in love with them just as they are. There is no need to force yourself to work with them or adapt—it will happen naturally when love is present. If you truly wish to serve, your focus must be on solving problems, not fixing people. That is the essence of a true volunteer.
3. Do what is necessary
The essence of being a volunteer is that you do not choose based on personal preferences. If you see yourself as the center of the world, you will only do what you like, and whenever you encounter something you dislike, you may feel reluctant or lazy to act.
But a true volunteer moves beyond likes and dislikes. Every action is for something greater than the self. You do what is necessary, not necessarily because you enjoy it, but because it must be done.
This is not about someone else deciding for you, nor is there an absolute path to follow. The only choice you need to make is based on what must happen in the world, and your only drive should be to make it happen.
Whether it succeeds or not is secondary. The effort must be there. Even if something else unfolds instead, acceptance must follow. Only then can you truly release yourself from attachment and experience true freedom.
Conclusion
Worrying about “me” is building a boundary around yourself, and eventually, your likes and dislikes become shackles that hold you down. But if you step aside from the idea of “me,” then there are no boundaries, no attachments, and no shackles—just freedom.
If you observe closely, emotions like greed, fear, and guilt always revolve around “me.” The constant focus on “me, me, me” traps us in a cycle of suffering. But the moment you release yourself from this self-centred thought, you drop all the shackles and transcend the boundaries of limitation.
As Naval Ravikant beautifully puts it: “Me is a disease.”