#5 Was Sadhanapada a mistake?

Today a series of bad experiences happened back to back. In those situations, one always misses his home and family.

I am a bit homesick today.

I have been staying in a hostel alone for 13 years now but I am feeling like going back home.

1. Locked me out.

Today, in the morning, I left the key inside the locker and then locked the locker.

Later I realised and I had no idea what should I do.

I was being late for morning sadhana so I rushed towards it.

But then in the mid-way, I realised I have forgotten my id card.

I was running back to pick that up but then again I realised I have locked the locker leaving the keys inside.

Now, The Id card was necessary to badge in.

So I did not badge in today.

despite e of me attending the morning sadhana, I will come as absent.

Now, during the entire sadhana, I was worried about the key.

What should I do?

how to break the lock? I had no tools and There are no coordinator from whom I could seek help.

I completed Yogasana and wanted to come back and try finding some solution for the lock but I completed Sambhabhi as well.

I went here and there to find help. I had no idea what to do.

All I was looking for was a metal rod that I can use to break the lock.

I found one stone but I knew this one was not the kind that can be broken with stone this needed some rod.

I tried hitting the rock and it did not work I was damn sure that I will not find any kind of metal rod laying here anywhere inside the ashram

because they are very careful about every small aspect.

But I had to find one.

I don’t know how but there was an intuition that I can find one near the garbage bin

and I don’t know how I got that flash and when I looked carefully there I found one under it.

I did not only get the flash of the rod but also its girth. which was slightly bigger than what I was looking for and that is exactly what happened when I tried to put it inside the lock.

I kept trying and kept trying but it did not go in.

But after trying for some more time. It opened.

It did not break but opened.

2. lost the Chapple.

Somehow that problem got sorted and I was ready to go to Biksha hall for brunch and I did not find my chapple. So I started walking barefoot.

Now, the path inside the ashram is good, but the path from the metal bridge to Kondari is terrible and during the day under the hot sun walking barefoot is just like walking on the coal.

in that situation, I walked and reached the temple area.

3. Burnt me with Payasam.

I had my lunch and my stomach was full but there was a stall serving payasam and I felt I will have it.

So it went there it was 20 rupees per glass.

I paid the money and got one glass.

I started drinking slowly but it was so hot that I could not help but burn myself.

I put it inside of my mouth and could not swallow in one shot I had to swallow in two slots and by then my mouth was burnt.

4. Walked 3 kilometres for no sense.

There was an anna who was also with me unaware of his seva told me he would be coming to Sivapadam 2 which is near to our stay area.

so I started walking towards it.

in the middle of the road, I saw a message that I had to report to Shripad Anna at SKO.

Now I don’t know what is SKO.

I started calling everybody and nobody received the call. I had to figure out by myself that it means SuryaKund Office.

I called Shripad Anna but he did not receive the call.

I went in with one more Anna and then I had to wait for Shripad Anna there because he went to brunch.

Finally, after 1 hour, he came back but he said he has a meeting.

I had to wait again.

then he said that I can go to Nada Aradhana.

I thought finally something good is happening.

but when I went the entire corridor was full.

there was no space inside or in the walking area.

I had to stay under the tamarind tree, yet I could see the Dhyanalinaga.

5. Wasted my whole time

I went back and he was still on his call and I had to wait till 2 Pm and we had to wait for two more people.

We had a meeting then and he asked me if I have a laptop. And he asked me to get it.

Now I did have a bag. I did not have my footwear and I have to walk 3 kilometres and get the laptop.

I did that without a single thought in mind the thought started coming in only when the entire thing was done.

I was unnecessarily sitting inside the office without having a real job.

they have given me a task that did not mean anything to them nor mean anything to me.

Doing something that does not matter gave me a sense of worthlessness.

when I was coming back I really felt bad that what is happening.

I must not try to do something but pull up something that I always used to do.

here I have to just keep quiet and do what is asked.

Now it is their job to take care of everything all I would be worrying about is what I can do.

Once it is done I will give it back and Sadhna will not be compromised.

6. Feeling a little bad about my parents

Being a parent they don’t want me to live far from them but they think that is inevitable because seeing the society one can easily have that kind of perception.

But I know that I can stay with them.

All my life I have been selfish. That is what I want.

But irrespective of that how many times do I ditch them? If I ever need them they will still be there with an open arm to hug me.

They are giving their enormous love for me as a parent but I may be doing something wrong.

7. is sanyas right?

I did not give a second thought to it. because I always believed it to be right but now I am thinking maybe i can serve my parents and that will take me to the ultimate.

I mean I don’t have a responsibility towards Isha.

but maybe a little responsibility towards my parents.

Anyway no matter how much I try Sadhguru will never be mine at least I can be of my parents.

At least someone gets something.

For me, I would get the tools offered by Sadhguru and use them to the ultimate.

This is not the end yet.

I returned to my stay area, then bathed and did surya kriya.

And I know for sure tomorrow will be different and what I am feeling now will be fed away.

But it was intense and strong what I felt.

Food, Dance and Darshan.

After writing this much I went to have dinner.

Since it is the guru purnima it was about to be celebrated in a way.

I went and had the dinner it was in the Nalanda ground.

They had even plans to turn off all the lights in the evening and everybody will take the help of moonlight.

But because of the could the moon was not visible so they had to keep the lights on.

Still, they managed the dining in the open.

As usual delicious food like anything.

After that dinner, I went towards the temple area and as I move closer and closer I could hear the drum sound.

The moment I reached there people had crossed the boundaries of physicality and became all energies and the drum and the dance were unbelievable.

This is not the thing I could miss.

It was already late yet I joined.

That’s it. The way I shouted after that.

I could not speak at the end.

Later we went for sadguru darshan in the Adiyogi Alayam.

some part of it was intense and I did cry a little and as usual, people shout like crazy.

It did end on a good note is what I felt.

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