The other day I was calling Rachel Akka and Ekta slipped out of my tongue.
Whoever came into my life, I did love them with everything. it’s just that people can’t accept that things end.
if something is working and going well they wish that to be continued for the rest of their life.
But it does not happen like that and it comes to an end certainly.
Anything and everything that has started will come to an end sooner or later.
But for sure it will end.
All I tried to leave them in a good situation…
But… for people…
If anything has to end then it should end on a bad note and they should feel the pain.
Sometimes I mess with these people a lot. Be it Ekta, Nikita or Nikita.
I still feel for them irrespective of how they treat me and I could not be bad for them.
They never existed as a girlfriend equal to me but as a daughter of me.
Irrespective of the 6 years age gap, they all were as innocent as a 5-year-old kid, who seeks nothing but love and love only.
Today, Saw her from the window.
The night of our linga seva culmination, I was teasing her and she almost got offended and then she said she read my blog.
I did not know what to reply to her on the same.
I thought maybe I should not say anything after that.
Put my head down and walked straight towards the stay area.
It felt like I have committed some mistake by writing about her.
Now, I did not know how to respond to her.
I don’t know what she might have interpreted out of that but if it hurts her then I am sorry.
She is just a bubbly innocent bird who wants to keep flying all the time.
There is nothing good or bad, We all are in a certain way, I am not judging her either.
All I want to say is respective of however people are they need and deserve Love.
And I would keep on giving it.
The only problem with me is I don’t know how to control it.
She does not matter to me.
Yes!
I don’t consider her any special.
But irrespective of the gender caste community the love I have towards every human being is out of the world.
Since some are closer to me they feel most of it and It is not only limited to the feelings but actions as well.
Missed Ekta and felt like calling someone.
A gender female has nothing to do with my life but…
Every girl I have been with, I have a subtle corner of love for them always.
Ekta stopped talking and picked up the call and I can understand her situation also.
But sometimes I can’t resist but feel so much for all of them that I even try to drop a message or a call.
But this time, I have grown up enough.
I have done messaging to Anushree a lot of times but this time when I try to message to express certain feelings, I know they will not interpret it in the right way.
I draw back myself from expressing and keep that within me.
Like a slow glowing candle, it gives me a little pain of not being able to express but with every drop of pain, the tremendous love that is associated gives me a certain pleasure as well.
Guilt with pleasure.
The pain that I will be suffering eternally.
I am the mother to the world.
I don’t feel anything less than that.
It is not only to say.
But I failed to hate people no matter what they have done to me.
And even if they keep doing still the part of me always wishes for their well-being.
Not only restricted to one gender but to the entire humanity.
My actions are limited but it will never happen that I would ever wish anything bad for anyone.
Just like a mother.
She never leaves the hand.
You may scream and make her go away but whenever you fall down and look back, she would be right there behind you.
That is me.