We ordered two choco lava cakes. We took the cake to sit areas and there was this big hall filled with numerous chairs and tables vacant.
We choose the one in the corner with a well-cushioned sofa instead of a normal chair. And instead of sitting in front of each other, we sat side by side.
We both peeled off the cover of the cake and dip the spoon inside. The next moment was supposed to be eating but she did not do same. She did something that was difficult for me to believe.
She offered me.
I was surprised because I was having mine and it is new and hot. There was no reason to offer me but to show love.
That was the only reason I could find in that microsecond which convinced me to eat that bite.
Just to make that intense moment filled with love lighter I said, “ I am not going to share mine”
She said, “okay”
She doesn’t love chocolate she dies for chocolate and now she is fine with someone sharing her choco lava!
The next moment I thought I should offer from my side as well so that it should even out, So I dipped my spoon and took a piece of cake with the thick melted chocolate. I was worried about the liquid that it should not fall on her uniform.
So, I placed my palm just below it while feeding here.
To tease her, when she opens her mouth I used to pull it a little back, so that I can make a little fun out of it.
After doing it two to three times, when the melted chocolate was about to fall, I fed her yet one drop of it fell on my palm.
I kept looking at her ignoring there is drop on my palm. She was looking gorgeous and innocent but within no time, she pulled my palm and I knew what was about to happen.
The life that transferred.
I could see her eyes focused on that little drop on my palm and right before she does anything I knew something thrilling was going to happen at the moment she touches her lips and on my palm to lick the single drop of the melted chocolate.
It spread a huge amount of life within me.
The experience remains there for two days.
The reason I am saying this as life is something unexplainable but experienceable.
Whenever someone touches you and does some act of love with such intense emotion, it throws out a huge amount of energy and being the most closed person you receive the most of it and the same thing happens to other person when you do the same.
And the weirdest thing is all of this happens unconsciously.
In their perspective, it is just, “Oh there was a drop of chocolate, so I just ate it” but in your experience, as a man, it is just the most amazing thing. The same thing happens when you gently kiss your girlfriend or wife on their forehead without any reason just as an act of love.
They melt like ice cream.
For a guy, it was just a kiss but for them, it is the most profound experience of love that they experience.
This is one of the things that you enjoy a lot in this world but often going into the future these energies just tear you apart.
The life that she has thrown within me will stay with me subconsciously and the moment we get separated for any reason, that life has to come out.
I can’t take her and go with me and it is so painful when you leave it out.
When it has torn me apart.
I remember the issue with my last girlfriend it took me almost five months of heartbreaking pain to release the majority percentage of her and a little amount percentage of which I have kept with myself.
It is like now you remember the event of what has happened but without the juice.
It is the residue of sugarcane after juicing it, that is how memories remain behind and every time you recall them in the future the small drop of remaining juice falls off and you experience pain or pleasure depending upon your own mindset and the way you live your life.
The hug that I still remember.
I still remember my first hug from a girl, It was so profound that it is just impossible to forget it.
I was there in Palasuni, It was almost evening and stars started twinkling in the sky. She was with me walking on a lonely street with dogs barking here and there.
We could hear the traffic from the main road.
We talked and reached the place from which she had to go alone. Although it was the bypass Puri road, there was very less vehicle moving at that particular time.
We had already spent a beautiful day and she was really grateful to me for making the day as beautiful as possible, before leaving for the room she came towards me, without hesitation and without thinking what the world will say she hugged me shamelessly.
It was the act of love that does not care about anything but with true genuine emotion, I could feel the innocence in her hug.
When she hugged me tight it just seemed there was an empty space within me which just filled up. I realise the essence of a woman in men’s life that day.
The hug was so perfect in terms of physical that all the emotion she had while hugging got transferred within me. And this is the event that still I am having with me with juice.
Not all the stories are going to end well in life but I make sure I live them instead of dying recalling them. Some events took the life out of us and for some if we put in a good amount of effort we manage to keep them safe.
However, it is the energies that we have received from others or in another word I like calling them a part of their life, which was settled within us and just tears part itself before moving out with them.
Unless you are a cheerful person, you are bound to die at these moments in your life. I don’t know how it feels when one dies but It would be the same.
So, should you do that or not?
If it entangles us and gives us bondage and if we feel pain when they leave then maybe we should avoid it, that seems to be a wiser decision!
When you are saying no to these events you are missing the juice of life and also you are not avoiding these events but you are avoiding life itself. Instead of trying to avoid anything in the world that entangle you, you should raise above them.
Even if they come to you, you should be able to give them accommodation within you.
They should find a mother in you who can take any amount of life.
This way you can make any number of people happy and give out your energies as well for people because the life that you would be carrying can help people to live better maybe for a tiny instant.
I am telling small instant because when you invest your life in someone, they receive it for sure but they are completely unaware of it, they can protect it by doing some sadhana or it will just leave after some time.
But one thing is for sure until that settles down within them or moves out of them they would feel some disturbance, some sort of traction towards you.
These things sound fairy tell but that is how it works. Don’t try to do anything but I am just expressing how I am experiencing how these things work like!
How to disentangle?
As I have already said, it took me two days to remove that memory of her lips from my palm. I had to do some necessary amount of sadhana and remind myself of the reality.
The sadhana itself helps you in the best possible way to remove all the entanglement that you are having here and also gives you the necessary perspective to see the truth.
As Swami Vivekananda mentions we don’t teach spirituality to anyone. It is just a self-taught journey, everybody realises on their own. Now depending on people it may be faster or slower but this is not something that can’t come from the outside but from the inside only.
This will give you the necessary perspective to see the earth as it is, see the relationships as it is, and see everything as it is, when you start seeing all of them you don’t only see what it is but also you can see the beginning and end of it, what is the source and what is the destiny and what is the whole of it.
This sorts out most of your entanglements.
When it comes to these relationship entanglements, I see people are pieces of the earth only. There is nothing special about anybody, it is the same thing, could it have a little different from what we may say a male or female but it is essentially the same.
Logically it is very easy to understand.
Today keep this body alive we eat food and the food is grown from the ground all the vegetables that we eat are nothing but the earth which very intelligently transformed itself into a vegetable and that vegetable into us.
And to understand it more easily we can see the death part of it. When we die we just dissolve into it, Is not it enough to understand that we are just a piece of the earth only?
Now, the soil that you are stepping on will become a man after million years. So, no need to get entangled with the earth but always make sure to do necessary to save it, irrespective of its normal form as soil or in human form, animal form or plant form. Because it is us only, whatever we do creates a huge impact on the entire cycle.
Raising above all.
When I thought of becoming a sannyasi, one thought bothered my mind I have not experienced sex much in my life, what if the drive increases after I am initiated into sannyasa!
After a few days that thought somehow life manifested in such a way that I was lying down on a bed with a girl without a piece of cloth and that one thought was revolving inside my head as a conclusion…
“No, I am not at all going to regret it”
Any of this doesn’t mean that you should avoid living in the name of rules or regulations but in order to achieve something some disciplines are necessary.
Because no matter how accomplished you are if you indulge more yourself in social nonsense without the necessary arrangement of your energy or necessary sadhana, you will be entangled with such a pace that you will not find yourself.
So, enjoy life, be alive, don’t avoid it yet make sure you are not entangled. Raise above everything.