Today, it was bubu’s birthday. I wished her and she blocked me.
It’s been 7 years since we got separated and I still experience her within me.
Girls who came so close to me taken diversion after a certain point.
After everyone I used to choose a new person thinking the old relationship is end now.
I kept moving with new girl every single time.
Suddenly, i feel I am carrying all of them eternally.
it is not their memory but something that touched the core of me when I was with them.
When I see their images, be it in WhatsApp display picture or Instagram or Google pay for that matter, something distrubs within me.
It’s not their memory of what we have done, it is the presence that they had within which did not move out when each of them left.
Shanti was fine bcz she kept talking to me, bubu and sahay were too strong as emotion that I could not handle properly.
Especially bubu. I give no shit about the body, but because of what I have done to her makes me regret so much.
I am not seeking forgiveness but freedom.
I want the core to be removed.
Niks was easy since she choose to move away and at the same time things fall into place.
Yet stopping talking to her completely yet is a big task.
Ekta was also gone too fast and that is why not much KARMA I have accumulated.
But all of them from Babi, they are all with me.
It is not something that I am trying to avoid but I know any number of relationship I would get into, will continue to walk with me that is what the KARMA is and I can’t afford to take them.
It is not just that happening to me. But everyone of them are also carrying me with them unconsciously.