#13 The Reality test In the Ashram.

“Why did not you pick up my call”, Jen said at me.

Yes ‘at’ me.

Well, I am not saying she had a bad intention.

But she is like that only.

Who is wrong?

Imagine, you call somebody and the person does not pick up.

What could be the possible reasons for it?

  1. Intentionally not picking up the call.
  2. The phone was Silent.
  3. The person does not even have his phone.
  4. The phone is switched off.

Which one do you think is the reason for this?

Now, who should be blamed?

Being a Mother.

I did not see her call in reality.

But what she did sounded blame to me and it did not feel good.

I know she had no wrong intention but why did I feel bad?

Usually, I keep away from these people because no matter what you do for them they just remain like that.

All they see is you are the wrong one.

I spend a significant time with Sahay helping her in every possible aspect without having a single intention but all she could think of is I am wrong.

If something is wrong in your life then someone needs to be blamed.

They are not worried about how to fix it. But in the name of knowing the source of the problem, they need to blame something or someone.

Now, Everyone is a hero in their life, and heroes never make mistakes. So, it must be the other person.

My part of the Mistake.

Well, here I have a mistake too despite being helpless.

But way too much care spoils a child.

I could have given what she wanted and what she wants always. But that will make her feel she deserves it not that I am offering it with love.

Instead of feeling gratitude, she would feel more deserving.

Unless the self dies!

It takes a lot of pain for a person to see that I am wrong.

I have done that a lot.

That had already taken me to the conclusion that if there is anything that can be fixed that it is me only.

This is one of the reasons I don’t write the Innere Engineering Assignment because it is in my experience deep down by default.

The identity covers up all of your mistakes and finds the other part of the argument to prove it right.

The logical argument may differ from your feelings.

When you realise!

The day you lose something because you think you are right and give yourself all of these logical arguments to prove yourself right.

I lost Anushree Like that

Later I felt, I should not have lost her irrespective of whether she was right or wrong.

Suddenly, you don’t care whether you are right or not.

You want it so badly that you accept being wrong.

You are ready to go to every extent just to save the relationship.

That day the identity that you have held up for a long time dies and you evolve as a different person.

Over time if you learn to lose not because you are wrong but because winning will never be worth the things.

Then you choose to lose always and that peels off the identity that you have gathered.

7 long years and I have managed to dissolve.

Can I afford to play the same game?

The entire effort in every relationship in order to make it perfect is to dissolve the identities of the individuals.

And that is the biggest challenge.

On the one hand, you want the person to see things as it is but on the other way you let them do whatever they want because they will not see.

There is a very thick layer of filter and you can’t peel off one by one.

Initially, you try but you know unless the person feels the need for it they don’t allow it, they have accustomed to that vision and see things as reality in them.

No! I can’t afford to play the same game.

Neither I can avoid anything.

Right now I have no idea how to find the line!

How much to give and how much to keep!

This is a Reality check How good am I at this game?

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